Our Shining Star

Tonight we are feeling a mixture of nervous energy, anticipation and general anxiety.  To put it mildly, our nerves are frayed.  It's par for the course.  In some respects, adoption may be easier because we don't have the physical pain and discomfort associated with pregnancy or delivery.  At the same time, adoption is still fraught with unknowns that make it just as worrisome as carrying a child.  In both cases, you are out of control.  You pray for the very best and keep your faith strong.

I'm not particularly worried about being a good mom.  I'm a bit worried about being a good parent.  A mom is something far more personal, more intimate.  A parent issues rules, has requirements, monitors behavior.  A mother and/or father offers unconditional love.  We may not follow the same guidelines we were given, but I have no lack of faith in our ability to provide a nurturing space.  As I told our adoption trainer, I'll probably have a problem with holding our daughter too much.  She laughed and said I had nothing to worry about.  Adopted children - infants included - need to be held often.  They need to establish a strong bond with their new family.  Our baby won't have a biological attachment to us, but we pray in due time she will recognize our faces and voices as the two people who have prayed for her since before she was created.

A few nights ago I was reading up on the observable universe.  What we can see is just as baffling as what lies beyond.  I guess it's a lot like the future.  The unknown doesn't have to be frightening.  The unknown can hold true wonder, joy and bliss.  Why should we assume otherwise?  More importantly, why would we ever choose to assume otherwise?

It's incredible to think that about nine months ago, there was a glimmer in the heavens that was intended for us.  And this time next week, we will be packing our car so we can leave bright and early the next morning...to bring our star home with us forever.