This afternoon we headed out on the road to meet our potential birth mother. We were nervous all day, though I felt confident. Somehow my stomach didn't get the update. Not five minutes down the road we had to pull over. It's as though every possible fear and all the uncertainty got together and hit me at once. I leaned back, took deep breaths and focused on our goal.
*Holly is not what I expected, but then, I don't know what I expected. I think I assumed she would be very quiet and maybe a bit distant. It was quite the opposite. She was very forthright, outgoing and friendly. She is also very honest about her situation. There have been struggles in her life and she is dealing with those the best way she knows how. But one thing was clear - Holly is determined to make her life better and to see that this baby has a solid upbringing.
Certain things about us are very important to her: Our religion, our hobbies and other small but meaningful details about us. The initial family she met with did not work out and I was very honest in telling her I wasn't too upset about that. She laughed. Holly shared her ultrasound photo with us, as well as a piece of paper showing the baby's sex. Holly purposely avoided looking at the monitor. She did not want to know the sex, and does not want to see the baby. She is trying with everything in her being to stay emotionally detached from this child. It's not completely possible, to be fair. But her goal is to get through the remainder of her pregnancy and then work on her own life. She feels that once this happens, later on, she can look forward to a relationship with this child.
Holly is also very honest about the level of involvement she would like. Updates, emails. Maybe getting together on special occasions. Yet she made it clear that she does not want to mother this baby. That will be our job, one I look forward to more than I can say.
We embraced her as we left, and made plans to see her again this weekend to meet her other child. It's very important to her that we do. After that, I will go to her next doctor's visit and then we will take it from there. I asked her if she is considering anyone else to parent her child (outside of us) and she said no. We are it.
Of course I will have a healthy amount of fear in this process - I will be nervous until the day we bring our child home. I think that's normal for all adoptive families. Pray for the best, remain cautiously optimistic.
Tonight at dinner we laughed, we got misty eyed and we embraced. It's a wonderful start to what we hope will be a healthy, loving experience for each of us.
*Name has been changed to protect privacy.
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