Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. There is something inspiring about the cooler weather. I am also a big fan of spring, maybe because of the sense of renewal. Even so, I don't consider autumn to be a dark, depressing warning of impending snow. I just don't think of it that way.
Last night we had a fun family dinner celebrating our cousin's birthday. The night before that we laughed and ate way too much food with dear friends. I'm not sure what changed in my mindset, but I can say that sadness and longing actually has a strange knack of numbing any joy we encounter. Ironic because we desperately seek joy on those days. Then when it arrives, we argue its presence. I felt that way for a time. The longing for news on our adoption. The hope, the anticipation. There were other things going on at the time that compounded the issue for me, but they have since resolved. Finally one night I had an epiphany of sorts. I decided that while I was completely and fully entitled to my feelings, they weren't helping. Feelings are great if they put things in perspective or kind of move us along on our path. But when they act as a barrier, a roadblock, it's time to break them down. No one in this world can do that for us. Others can point the way or offer support, but they can't do the work. It's an extremely personal process and one that happens when it's meant to happen - a phrase adoptive parents often struggle with.
This past week I saw signs - very positive signs - that as I began to feel better, situations around me were unfolding in hopeful ways. The crisp air helps my mood, and suddenly it seems like the universe is conspiring to help us along.
It's a
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