This afternoon we went to another doctor's visit with Holly. Her energy felt different somehow..lighter. Each time we see her it seems her mood is more and more relaxed, cheerful and calm. That does a lot to make us feel, well, the very same way.
The doctor confirmed that once again, all is well. Baby's heartbeat is normal, she is active and by all accounts everything is going as it should be. This is always a reassurance to us.
On the way home I felt very....well...lonely I guess. Lonely for our child. I know how far we've come and how the remaining days until her birth are relatively few. It's not that. I think it's the realization of how very long we've waited for this child, how long I've dreamed of the day we become parents - forever parents - and now that we're so much closer to that reality I can feel the weight of this journey in a new way. I feel blessed and nervous and anxious. I feel such longing and hope. I feel tremendous gratitude and humility. All of these emotions are kind of bundled up all together and make for a rather curious state of mind. As *Michael pointed out, our child was in our car today. That close and yet still she has much to do. Her body is still growing and her brain is still developing. But being that close to her, even when she can't see us, is pretty amazing.
These days I don't blog as much because I'm just staying busy. That's a very good thing.
Our first baby shower is next weekend and we are so excited. More than anything, we're excited for the energy that this celebration will bring. We have amazing, supportive friends and family who continue to make this adventure the most incredible yet.
Each night I go into our baby's room and talk to her teddy bear. I'm sure plenty of folks would think that strange. It just helps me. I feel like I'm somehow communicating my feelings to our child. Maybe I think the bear will hold all of this wonderful energy inside, and then when our daughter lays in her bassinet, she will feel that love. She's loved beyond words.
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