FAQ's

When we began the adoption process, I scoured the internet for information.  I found a lot - but much of it was outdated, biased and quite often just plain wrong.  This isn't to say that I don't have my own bias when it comes to this experience, but I made the decision right then and there that once our adoption was complete (or near complete) I would talk about what really happened.  The incredible highs and the hold-your-breath lows. 

Myth - Adoption is not for everyone.
True.
You want to conceive but can't.  You get pregnant but the pregnancies aren't viable for long.  You simply think adoption is the choice for your family because you don't want to add to the population.  Whatever your reasons, adoption can be the greatest blessing of a lifetime.  But even blessings come with obstacles.  

Whether you choose domestic, international or foster adoption, there is a lot involved that you may or may not be prepared for upfront.  So before you begin this unbelievable journey, be sure to do your homework.  This doesn't mean reading a few brochures or taking the advice of some friends.  You need to be completely aware of what you are facing..the good and the bad.

Myth - Adoption is very expensive.
Mostly true.
If you choose to foster a child, not only are the immediate costs low to none, but the state will actually assist you with their care.  (Laws vary.)  If you choose domestic or international adoption, there is substantial cost.  If you use a facilitator along with an agency you could pay twice as much.  Private adoptions may be cheaper yet, but you definitely need to be sure you are covering all your bases with regard to legal issues.  You don't want to find out the hard way that some form did not get signed properly.  Domestic adoption can range from $5000 to $40,000 while international can get much higher still.  Plus international adoption requires travel and sometimes lengthy visits in the country of origin.  All things to consider.  There is an adoption tax credit available in the US for up to $13,000 which can help.

Myth - Newborn adoption is easier because of instant attachment/bonding.
Completely false.
Sure, a newborn has nothing to go by short of the sound of their birth mother's voice and heartbeat, but this in no way means the attachment phase will be easy - or even quick.  Becoming an adoptive parent is one of the most emotional experiences you can go through.  You have the obvious concerns associated with adoption on top of new parent jitters.  This can impede the bonding process.  Adoptive mothers go through hormonal changes that are very similar to those of a birth mother.  In some respects, an older child may be a bit easier because they can communicate their worries, fears and joys.

Myth - Adopted children are never truly accepted by society/family.
Depends on your family.
As for us, our baby girl is 100% ours.  There is no distinction drawn in our family or among our friends.  I wish I could say this was always true for everyone.  Multiracial adoption can be a struggle for both parents and child because of aesthetic and cultural differences.  Sometimes it doesn't matter that the child resembles you because there is occasionally a stigma associated with adoption.   Make sure that the people around you are supportive and loving.  Make sure you are bringing this child into a healthy environment.

Myth - Adoption takes years and years.
Sometimes.
Our domestic newborn adoption took 9 months from the day we contacted the agency to the day our daughter was born.  Sometimes they can take two or more years.  The average range with most agencies seems to be about 15+ months.  But there are cases when a child is placed within days of a home study being complete.  Don't let possible waits deter you.  Look at it this way...the time will pass anyway.  Why not be proactive in the meantime?

Myth - Open adoption is just glorified babysitting.
Most often false.
There are always horror stories about birth parents who don't respect boundaries.  On the whole, open adoptions have fewer issues because the birth family knows they have access to updates and possibly even visits with the child.  This is of course at your discretion.  Once parental rights are terminated, the biological family has zero legal recourse when it comes to when and if they have any contact with your child.  Still, knowing there is communication available makes it much more likely that the birth family will proceed with the adoption and will not change their minds.

Part II coming soon...