As a child, I struggled with fear of abandonment. It wasn't because I was ever abandoned. Yet somehow, I lived with the constant worry that my parents might be taken from me. I worried that we would move from my familiar childhood home. I worried that my grandparents would die. Maybe it stems from being an only child, or perhaps it was the sudden and violent death of my uncle. It was just a recurring concern in the back of my mind.
Because of this fear I've always needed to be needed. I guess my mindset was that if someone really needed me, there was less chance of losing them. Sadly as you grow up you realize this isn't necessarily the case. Sometimes it's quite the opposite. Maybe you need too much.My husband needs me. He makes it very clear. The feeling of genuine attachment through love is quite unlike any other feeling. It shows you where you stand in someone's mind, and it demonstrates the real value of your relationship.
Now that our daughter is here, I am feeling need in an entirely new way. It is still baffling to me that this baby could be completely satiated...full belly, clean diaper....and then cry until I pick her up. At that moment, she will settle down and her body relaxes. She rests her head on my shoulder and sighs. That sigh alone is enough to do me in. How can one little, delicate, breathy sound say so much? But it does. More over, how can someone want me around that badly? That they cry until they feel my arms around them?
It's something I will never, ever tire of.
